Embracing Failure: How Struggles Can Lead to Growth and Success

I can’t express how many times I’ve experienced setbacks or failures, and I’m happy to say I don’t view failure as such a negative experience today. Sometimes in life, we get told no and it can feel as though our world is crumbling, but when we keep pushing day by day, we can see that there is beauty in redirection. I have experienced getting turned down by jobs, colleges, and sometimes friendships and relationships that i believed would last forever, but didn’t turn out as planned. Experiencing these different situations has helped me grow as an individual and realize how to move differently in life and learn from the different mistakes I’ve made.

We try to avoid failure, but we don’t fail unless we try. When we try something new in life, this is the first step towards succeeding and along the way, we might make mistakes. Making mistakes in life is an opportunity for us to learn lessons and become critical thinkers. In my personal opinion, there are no losses within something that might feel like a loss. Think about where you are now and where you were a year or two ago, you didn’t know as much as you might know now. That is because we must go through trials and tribulations to elevate into who we are today. I know we have all heard the quote “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” said by German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche. Those who are committed to trying and continue to keep trying are okay with initial failure in order to reach success. Scientists at Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management did research that showed how failure in an individual’s early career leads to greater success in the long term. Therefore, a loss is a closer step towards a major win in life.

When it comes to life, we must remember that we are stronger than we think and our mindset is very important. We can truly do anything we set our minds to and we must stay determined and push ourselves to do the best we can. Within psychology, self motivation is called ‘intrinsic motivation’, which simply means motivation originates from within ourselves, and this includes psychological needs, internal desires, curiosity, etc. When we experience intrinsic motivation, we are acting for ourselves rather than outside pressures, rewards, or products. We are truly in charge of our future and life success. To reach this point, it takes facing your fears and reaching outside of your comfort zone, which can be very challenging. They do say that nothing worth having comes easy to us and I believe in that.

Sometimes we look at failure as an uncomfortable feeling and it naturally comes with emotions such as embarrassment, sadness, anger, or shame. Our natural human nature is to escape these feelings by suppressing them and avoiding them. This might provide short-term relief, but long-term, this keeps us stationary and will not solve the problem. Instead, this impacts us because it is now difficult to process our emotions in a healthy manner. Experiencing failure is crucial to experience success and we must allow ourselves time to identify and label the feelings that come and give them time to pass. Without allowing this process, the feelings will later resurface after ignoring the initial feelings. After we process our emotions in the best way we can, it allows us to get up and try again. When you fall down and pick yourself back up, this leads to resilience which is the ability to withstand and recover quickly from difficult situations and feelings.

When we experience failure, it is simply an opportunity for us to pick back up and try again repeatedly. When we get close to attaining our dreams and goals, our focus and determination to win increases and strengthens. Our thoughts are stronger than we think and our beliefs dictate how we live our lives. When it comes to setting your mind to your desires, dreams and goals, the most important thing is your consistency and determination to get it done. One thing that is very near and dear to me is remembering that you need to believe in yourself first. It’s hard for someone else to see the vision you hold within yourself and your future. You simply can’t depend on others to believe in you, for you. Kehlani, my favorite artist, once said “most see the vision and I give reasons to believe.” She has showed us time and time again, that what you believe in can be shown through hard work. Instead of telling others your vision, show them the results.

When I was 18, I attended my dream university, Howard University, in Washington, DC. I was able to attend the university for two semesters until I was redirected back home to take a two year break from attending college. I saw myself as a failure and had no idea if I would ever attend school again and it felt like 100 steps back. If I hadn’t kept my determination and perseverance, I would not be where I am today. I did not stay down on the ground, I kept my head held high even through the negative emotions I felt from time to time. I picked myself back up, took the steps needed to place myself back in school. The time I had away from continuing my education allowed me to realign my values and really discover what I want in life and my future career. Within my redirection, I wasn’t able to see clearly and realize that there was more planned for me. I initially went to school to become a child pediatrician; my new goal is to become an art therapist for adolescents. Within changing my major to psychology, I ended up starting this very blog you are reading now. Failure is not always a bad thing and can lead to new beautiful opportunities we would not have imagined previously.

Behind failure comes fear, and there are ways to overcome this fear. We must remember that failure and messing up is normal, you are not alone and we have all experienced it in our lives. It is okay to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed when experiencing this in your lives, but try to not let it hold you back. It’s very important that we remember our end goal, and not get stuck in a rut. Failure does not mean it is the end, it is only a stepping stone towards success, growth, and improvement. Making a mistake in life can help us refine our approach towards our goals and pathways. We might experience feelings of self doubt or a fear of judgement from society, but we must keep going. In life, there will always be opinions from every individual, we simply can’t help it. The most important thing is we know what is truly best for us and we must go for it. Let’s work on reframing our self-beliefs, work on self-compassion and forgiving ourselves for the mistakes we might make, and remember this all helps us get closer to our initial goals. Failure is a step towards getting feedback and identifying areas for improvement, which can’t hurt us but rather help us move forward.

It’s imperative to surround yourself with a support group that provides encouragement and motivation through the tough times we experience. We can even join groups and engage in conversations where individuals similar to you have gone through similar experiences. We can all learn from one another and I’ve noticed that a lot more this year. One reminder from me to you, it is much better to fail than to never try at all. I encourage you to look at failure as a step towards growth and success. We don’t know what we can accomplish unless we step out of our comfort zone and try and try again. There are several ways to move past the fear of failure and there is a lot we can learn from the mistakes we make in life. Losses turn into lessons and losses help us get closer to our wins. I believe in you and I would love for you to believe in yourself. You can achieve anything you put your mind to with belief, determination, and perseverance. Continue to take up space in this world and try your hardest with everything you put your mind to.